Kill Me Now

Wow, almost 2 weeks since I have updated. Shame on me. Quite a change from updating a couple of times a week.

In my defense, I have felt like utter monkey pooh. But I figured it was time to post so people could be reassured that I have not, in fact, dropped off the face of the earth. So, without further ado, updates:

Hockey
Okay, it might say something about my priorities that are a bit off since I just got back from the cardiologist and yet the first topic on my blog update is hockey. But this is the playoffs, baby. All other things take a back seat.

So, the Ducks didn't sweep the Wild in the First Round like I thought they would - they let the Wild win 1 game. But I can totally deal with the series going to Game 5. It gave the Ducks a nice rest before Round 2, which started last night. They are playing Vancouver and, if last night's game was any indication, this will be a very one-sided series. Ducks won 5 to 1. Ouch. Poor Canucks, huh? But I don't feel bad enough for them to want any of the next games to be any different. I am interested to see what happens in the Red Wings/Sharks series since the Ducks will play the winners. Not sure if I am interested enough to watch it, though. That could cut into some serious nap time.

And speaking of nap time...

Cardiologist Stuff
Yeah, as expected, the results from my last heart monitor thing were normal. Woo freakin' hoo. So we still don't know what exactly is going on. But I maintain if it keeps getting worse, I will no longer be able to drive, much less hold down a job. Dan's even driven me to work a couple of times. It's nice because then I can nap on the way home.

Anyway, the cardiologist said that when people come in with the symptoms I am describing, they usually have coronary heart disease. But due to my age and lack of strong family history of early heart disease, he thinks not so much. But he wants me to take a stress test just to make sure.

That's right. A stress test. Yet again, woo freakin' hoo. So Monday, May 7th, I will be injected with radioactive material and made to run on a treadmill. I. Am. So. Not. Excited.

The cardiologist did say that he is more inclined to think it is asthma. So I guess if the freakin' stress test doesn't show anything, I'll have to go back that route. The pulmonary function test I took back when came out fine which would indicate it isn't asthma, but apparently it doesn't always show up on those. Back when, I was using Advair and that seemed to be helping, though after the PFT showed up okay, the doctor said it most likely helped just because it was clearing up some inflammation issues left over from my last bout of bronchitis.

Anyway, the cardiologist suggested that I get back on the Advair to see if it helps, so I picked some up today and took my first treatment this morning. It is hard to tell if it is helping. Pressure-wise I'm probably hanging out at a 7 now, with forays into 6-dom, but I had a lovely spike into the town of 9 that made me start yet again contemplating exactly when I needed to have someone take me to the emergency room (the only thing Dan and I can totally agree on is if I do manage to pass out, I'm going). And yes, I've been rating my "discomfort" the past 2 weeks. I'm trying to find a pattern - if the pressure relates to how much sleep I get, if I have sugar, caffeine, if I exercise. So far - no pattern.

Okay, where was I? I got sidetracked.... Oh yeah. Asthma. Basically, the cardiologist said we could play around with which medication I am on (breathing-related or heart-related) but it was "a crap shoot" so he decided to leave me on the heart stuff and add the Advair to see if it helped. Yeah.

Anyway, I guess we will know more after the freakin' stress test. Oh, and did I mention the true joy that will be for the freakin' stress test? I have to stop taking my heart medication for it. I take the test Monday and I can't take the meds Monday or Sunday. Yeah, no meds AND a treadmill. I'm so going to pass out.

Okay, enough of that junk. Fun stuff...

KITTIES!
The babies are doing wonderfully. Princess keeps trying to eat Chloe and has been thinking about making a Bitty-snack, but otherwise is good. Cocoa is doing great with no teeth. Ashes is sweet, as always and Nibby has been super-balancy. Gidget is one giant fluffer kitty and I'm thinking about shaving her for the summer (shh! don't tell her that!) and Happy is her insane but lovable self. Yay for healthy and happy kitties!

Smile for the Day
And now for something that makes me happy: Cuteness! On that site, you can find adorable little pictures and videos that will make you definitely go "aww".

And with that, I'll leave you some supercute for the day:

It'll fit - I swear!

Forgot to Mention....

Okay, this may be hard to read, but this is our fantasy hockey bracket:

Pink Monkeys Rule!

The Pink Monkeys won! And who, you may ask, are the Pink Monkeys? Well, honestly, if you are asking that then why are you reading my blog because you obviously have no idea who I am.

So go me for winning it all in fantasy hockey! Especially since I got so frustrated with stuff that I barely even looked at it about 1/2 way through the season.

Now, if only my real-life team could win it all, I would be a happy camper! Go DUCKS! (Currently they lead the series 2-0 against the Wild).

In other news...
There are also other exciting things going on in my life right now besides winning the fantasy hockey league.

First off, I got hooked up to another heart monitor on Thursday. Woo-freakin'-hoo. This one was a 24-hour monitor, not an event monitor like the last one. So I only had to wear it 24 hours. Which was good because instead of 2 little electrodes like the event monitor, this one had five and a big ole black cable that was impossible to conceal. Total pain in the rear.

I go back to the cardiologist the 26th to see if anything new popped up on the results. He had me hooked up to a monitor again because the past three weeks I've had a horrible time, heart-wise. It feels like I'm not even taking my medicine (no, I am taking my meds, it just feels like I'm not because they don't seem to be doing anything anymore). So the doctor wants to make sure that we are dealing with the same problem as before. Then he will decide what to do.

Secondly, Gateway totally sucks. Never again will I buy another Gateway. Ever. I would rather set my eyebrows on fire than willingly pay to own such a piece of junk. One week (almost exactly) after getting my computer back from Gateway service (they replaced the fan which apparently stopped working so my computer would overhead and crash - that was fun), my hard drive went out. And not like before when it was starting to crash but we had enough time to rescue most of the information (I think I lost like 3 files). But totally, completely crashed. As in, Dan didn't think he'd be able to get ANY information off of it. Finally, though, if he held the hard drive still and at just the right angle and the rings of Saturn aligned properly with Uranus, he was able to access the drive long enough to grab some of the files that had changed since my last computer back up.

Dan is my hero.

And not just because he managed to get my info off my hard drive (though he's a miracle worker for that - any time the drive ran, it would sound a little like a small food processor trying to grind up rocks that were covered in caramel), but because he had an extra laptop hard drive in his car that he imaged with my last computer back up so my computer is still up and running while I am waiting for Gateway to send me a new drive. And then when I get the new drive, he will image that one so it will be like the crash never happened. Except for my abiding hate for all things Gateway.

Anyway - total hero. I just love having a systems tech in my house. Oh, and the totally awesome thing, he's the one that calls Gateway, tells them what is going on and within 5 minutes has them agreeing to send a new hard drive or send a box in for service. When I call, they make me walk through all these stupid steps - reboot, run a check, blah blah blah. For Dan they just smile, nod, and send stuff. It's so cool.

Thirdly, guess where Dan and I will be tomorrow night. At the American Airline Center, watching the Stars and Canucks. That's right - playoff hockey, baby. I got 2 tickets free from work (go ABM for taking care of the person that makes sure their $27k monthly invoices are paid on time!) I'm so excited to see live playoff hockey. Even on TV, playoff hockey has a totally different energy. Right now the series is tied at 1-1 so I think it would be exciting for the Stars to win and pull ahead in the series.

Fourthly, I'm sure there is something else, but I can't think of it. So that is all.

Post About Nothing

You Should Drive a DeLorean

You don't take yourself too seriously, and you prefer a fun, unusual car... like this Back to the Future gem!

What Sports Car Should You Drive?

*snort* Yeah, I'll get right on buying one. Hehe!

You Are 50% Normal

While some of your behavior is quite normal... Other things you do are downright strange You've got a little of your freak going on But you mostly keep your weirdness to yourself

How Normal Are You?

You Are a Night Person

For you, there's nothing worse than having to get up and moving early. In fact, you probably don't hit your peak until well after the sun has set. So if your struggling to make it on a normal schedule, realize it's not your fault. You just weren't meant to do anything during the day!

Are You a Morning Person or Night Person?

Yep, not a surprise there!

What Amanda Means

A is for Almond M is for Monkey Butt A is for Adorable N is for Num Nums D is for Ducky A is for Adorable

What's Your Pet Name?

I had to put this one on since it says Monkey Butt. Hehe! Amanda "Monkey Butt" Zimmermann!

And on that note, I'm done. This is Monkey Butt Zimmermann, signing off!

Scattegories

Use the 1st letter of your name (real name or screen name) to answer each of the following. They MUST be real places, names, things -- NOTHING made up! If you can't think of anything, skip it. Try to use different answers if the person in front of you had the same 1st initial. You CAN'T use your name for the boy/girl name question.

Your Name: Amanda (or Auggy or some variation on other sites)

Famous Music Artist/Group: AC/DC

3 letter word: Uhm, it's a bad word. Do you really want me to type it? You know, that thing you sit on. I know there's got to be something else, but that's what my mind keeps going to... Oh, wait! Age, arc, art, are, ace, act!!! There are a ton of them. Whew! I just had to get my mind back in G-rated vocabulary. Shame on me.

Color: Amethyst (that's a color, right?)

Gifts/Presents: Amethyst. Hehe. Okay, is using it twice cheating? Yes? Okay.... Uhm. Alpaca? Not a good gift? I'd like one, so I'm using it.

Vehicle: Acura

TV Show: Alias

Boy Name: Andre

Girl Name: Ashley

Alcoholic Drink: Apple Martini

Occupation: Astronaut

Flower: Azalea

Animal: Armadillo

Celebrity: Ansel Adams - he's a celebrity, right?

Food: Apple

Something found in a kitchen: Almonds (hey, they are in my kitchen!)

Reason for Being Late: Accident

Something You Shout: AUGH!

Picture Time!

My computer is back and you know what that means! I was able to transfer yard pictures from my camera to my laptop to share and I was able to get a hold of Cocoa's toothless pictures. So, without further ado, pictures!

Yard Pretties
My irises have done really well this year so far. Of course, that was before this cold front came in. I'm not sure how they'll be after this weekend. *pout* I don't think irises are made to bloom in 34 degree weather. But hopefully they'll survive. If not, I still have some pretty pictures.

Last year we stretched the corner bed all the way down one side of our house. We got a ton of irises from a neighbor and planted then in the new addition. Those irises have really done well and are absolutely gorgeous.

Part of the new side bed in bloom

When our neighbor told me they were mostly purple irises, I was pleased thinking they were the "normal" irises you always think of when someone says "Iris". Most of mine were yellow from my parent's house, with a few more interesting ones from my grandma (though most of those have yet to bloom) so the idea of adding some "regular" irises was neat. But they weren't the "regular" variety, but this gorgeous fancy, white-with-purple-speckles-and-edges purple irises. I LOVE them.

Our not-so-plain purple irises

Tons of them are blooming or about to bloom

I just find them fascinating and so beautiful

Of course, not all of them are that speckled purple. I have a few that look like this white and lilac combo (though not all have bloomed (and after the cold weather, I'm unsure as to if they will bloom) so some could be just lilac).

A few of my irises are like this delicate looking one

Aren't they gorgeous? Almost all the ones I have in the original corner bed are yellow. There are some darker purple ones and supposedly some other fancy ones from my grandmother, but I suppose I need to dig them up and split them because they haven't bloomed in the past 2 years. I think they are supposed to do better (have more blooms) when they are split and trimmed in fall. Maybe I will do that this year. Because I love how our yard looks in bloom.

I can't wait until our bed is overflowing with irises. I hope to add some more unusual ones in the future, too. I also want to extend the corner bed the other way, along the back fence, and plant with bulbs (mostly irises but also daffodils and daylilies. Maybe some gladiolas and dahlias if the ones I planted last year do well). When we stretch the bed along the back fence, I want to incorporate the two apple trees into the bed, too. Ultimately, it would mean that almost 1/2 of our back yard was bulb bed. But hey, gorgeous flowers and less grass to cut and water!

Cocoa Time!
And now it is time for the toothless Cocoa. I actually have her teeth in a plastic bag beside my computer. I'm not sure what I'm going to do with it. But before they go to their final home (which will honestly probably be the garbage), I think I might take a pictures and post them. Because I'm icky like that.

Anyway, here is where that bag of teeth came from:

Gummy Kitty

The little purple bits are her stitches. They haven't come out yet but they aren't bothering her so we are just leaving them in for now.

She's still doing great with no teeth. Though, have I mentioned?, it is so sad to see her try to eat a spider plant without teeth. She just gums it but eventually gives up because she can't tear it. So sad. But not as sad as she was with a feeding tube in, so I know removing her teeth was the right thing to do!

WOOOOOOOOO!

The Ducks did it! The did it! With San Jose's OT loss to Vancouver and the Ducks win in Columbus, the Ducks are the new Pacific Division Champions! WOO!

GO DUCKS!

WOO HOO!

Next stop - the Stanley Cup, baby!

I'm About To Wet My Pants....

With excitement, that is.

Tonight the Ducks play the Stars in Dallas. Dan and I didn't get tickets, but I'm still so excited. Why? Because if the Ducks win one more of their last two games (against Dallas then Columbus on Saturday) or else the Sharks lose their next game tomorrow against the Canucks, the Ducks will clench the Pacific Division title. It would be the first time in their franchise history. How cool would that be?

The Ducks have a 4-2-1 record against the Stars this year so the game tonight could go either way. Now, the Bluejackets aren't a great team, but the Ducks have this weird thing this year that they can beat up on the good teams in the league but get their butts handed to them when they play the suck teams of the league. The Ducks are 1-1-1 against Columbus this season so sadly that game can go either way, too.

But if they beat just one of those two teams, the Ducks will be the Pacific Division champs.

I.
Am.
SO.
Excited.

AUGH! I can't wait! Tonight - 7:30pm. Ducks. Stars. Will they win? Pacific Division Title up for grabs.

WOO HOO!

Oh, and something I just learned today while reading the Ducks/Stars game preview... The reason why Giguere wasn't in net in the last game against San Jose (which the Ducks lost in a shoot out) was because he had just become a father. Awww.

Jean-Sebastien Giguere missed the game to be with his wife, Kristen, who delivered the couple's first child. Maxime Olivier Giguere was born at 12:20 a.m. Wednesday and weighed in at 6 pounds, 8 ounces.

Okay, can someone tell me if Maxime Olivier is a girl's or boy's name? I'm thinking girl, but the Olivier is throwing me off....Anyway, congrats to the Gigueres!

ETA: Oops, apparently they had a little boy. I'm hoping he'll go by "Max"...

-----

(I realize my posts have been without pictures lately. Sorry about that. I've got some great pictures of our yard and Cocoa that I want to share, but with no computer at home, I am stuck blogging at work and my pictures are stuck on my camera. But my laptop is being shipped back as we speak, new motherboard installed. So I should be back to full capacity early next week at the latest. Until then, go Ducks!)

A Monkey-Free Post

So, I had intended on posting a pictures of the toothless Cocoa (even had the picture all sized up, etc). And I thought I had sent the picture to my email account (my laptop had to be sent off again to Gateway so I figured I'd get the pic from my email and post it from another computer or while at work). Well, apparently I didn't actually send it to myself. I have no idea where that picture is other than stored on my laptop hard drive which is currently sitting on the filing cabinet next to the TV (just the hard drive - the laptop is in South Dakota or wherever Gateway's service center is).

So, instead of Cocoa pictures and updates (though she is doing great, thanks for asking), I bring you job funnies:

What The New Job-Lingo Means

"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY"
We have no time to train you.

"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE"
We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.

"MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED"
You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

"SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED"
Some time each night and some time each weekend.

"DUTIES WILL VARY"
Anyone in the office can boss you around. [Ah, so true.]

"MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL"
We have no quality control.

"CAREER-MINDED"
Female applicants must be childless (and remain that way).

"NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE"
We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.

"SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE"
You'll need it to replace three people who just left. [I feel like this one now!]

"PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST"
You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

"REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS"
You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

"GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS"
Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it. [Easier said than done - 1 year later and I still can't figure it out.]


Inspirational Phrases You Will Never Hear At Work...

1. There is no "I" in "teamwork." But there is in "management kiss-up."

2. If you do a good job and work hard, you may get a job with a better company someday. [This one kills me and just might be my favorite.]

3. The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.

4. Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG 14 times gives you job security.

5. If you think we're a bad company, you should see the competition.

6. Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who oppose them.

7. 2 days without a human rights violation.

8. Your job is STILL better than asking, "You want fries with that?" [Some days I'm not so sure]

9. If at first you don't succeed, try management.

10. Teamwork means never having to take all the blame yourself.

11. The beatings will continue until morale improves.

12. Pride, Commitment, Teamwork. Words we use to get you to work for free.

13. If at first you don't succeed, delegate it.

14. Plagiarism saves time.

15. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

Randomness Abounds

Kitty Terms
Ailurophile - A person who likes cats
I am a definite ailurophile.
Anurous - A term used to describe a tail-less cat
Happy is an anurous.
Clowder - A group of cats; also known as a clutter
Dan and I have a clowder of cats.
Flehmen Reaction - The look a cat has when it savors an unusual or evocative scent - the head is raised and the mouth is held slightly open
Chloe loves showing off her cute little "Flehmen reaction" face after smelling another kitty's butt.
Kindle - A group of kittens
Gidget's kindle always sounded like they were rolling bowling balls in the tub when they would play in there. So of course they did it at 3am.

To People Who Visit & Like to Complain About My Pets
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, it's is an adopted child who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Why Pets Are Better Than Kids
1. They eat less
2. They don't ask for money all the time
3. They are easier to train
4. They usually come when called
5. They never drive your car
6. They don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. They don't smoke or drink
8. They don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions
9. They don't wear your clothes (though Nibby does try)
10. They don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children

Dear Pets
To My Pets,
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

Love,
Your human